What is projection?
Projection is a way the mind deals with parts of ourselves that feel unacceptable, uncomfortable, frightening, or shameful. These can be feelings, experiences, attributes, characteristics, traits, wishes, impulses, insecurities, vulnerabilities, etc. Instead of experiencing them as belonging to us, we unconsciously disown them and experience them as if they belong to someone or something else (e.g., circumstances).
- For example:
- A person who feels ashamed of their anger may be particularly critical of how angry others seem.
- Someone who fears being inadequate may feel surrounded by critical or judgmental people.
Projection is a way of making something inside us feel foreign. The mind relocates the experience outside the self so that it feels safer or less threatening. However, this process comes with a cost. Even when we push something outside awareness, some part of us still recognizes that it is connected to us. Because of this, projections often produce strong or disproportional reactions. The intensity of the reaction can be a clue that something personal has been activated.
Modern psychological thinking also emphasizes that projections also can shape how others treat or feel about us. We call this “projective identification” (someone identifying and acting in accordance with our projection).
- For example:
- A person who feels ashamed of their own anger may assume someone else is hostile toward them. They respond in a tense or guarded way, which can lead the other person to feel irritated or defensive, appearing to confirm the original belief.
- Someone who struggles to acknowledge their own need for closeness may see others as overly needy. They withdraw or become emotionally distant, which can lead the other person to pursue more reassurance, reinforcing the perception of dependence.
How to recognize projections
Projections often show up as strong emotional reactions toward another person. Feelings such as irritability, frustration, resentment, or fear can arise quickly and with unusual intensity. The strength of the reaction is often the first clue that something personal has been activated.
Another sign is feeling very certain about what someone else thinks, feels, or intends, even when the evidence is limited. For example, you may feel convinced that someone is judging, rejecting, controlling, or disapproving of you. Sometimes the reaction seems larger than the situation itself.
Patterns are also important clues. If similar reactions appear across different relationships, the experience may reflect something within us that is being activated repeatedly. For example, someone may repeatedly feel that different coworkers dismiss their ideas, even when the responses are neutral. The pattern across multiple relationships can suggest that an underlying fear of being devalued is being activated.
When this happens, it can help to pause and ask a few questions:
- What exactly about this person is upsetting me?
- What quality or behaviour am I reacting to so strongly?
- Does this reaction feel bigger than the situation?
- Have I had this same reaction with other people before?
These questions are not meant to dismiss what the other person is doing. They simply open space to consider whether something within ourselves may also be shaping the experience.
How to work with projections
Working with projections means becoming curious about strong reactions rather than immediately assuming they reflect the other person. The goal is to explore whether something within us may also be shaping how the interaction unfolds.
- Avoid judging yourself for the reaction. Projection is a common human process, especially when we feel ashamed, threatened, or emotionally exposed.
- Notice the emotional signal. Strong reactions such as irritation, fear, or frustration can be clues that something personal has been activated. For example, if you find yourself getting irritated quickly about someone’s behaviour, see if your reaction might be a clue to a projection.
- Ask what might feel difficult to own. If the quality you see in the other person were partly yours, what and why might it feel uncomfortable to acknowledge it? Understanding this may make it easier to generate a sense of acceptance of having the quality yourself.
- Look for the underlying feeling. Projections often protect us from feelings such as shame, vulnerability, anger, or insecurity. Ask what feeling might be underneath the reaction and find ways in which the feelings is an understandable result of particular circumstances (i.e., validate the feeling). For example, “it makes sense that I feel shame about my anger, because I learned that anger is unacceptable.”
- Consider how your reaction may influence the interaction. For example, if you assume someone is hostile and respond defensively, they may begin to feel irritated in response. Recognizing this pattern can help interrupt cycles of projective identification.
- Experiment with responding differently. When you consider the possibility that part of the reaction may be a clue to a projection, it often becomes easier to respond with more openness and flexibility.
As we become more willing to recognize, tolerate, or even accept the quality we previously pushed away, projections often lose their intensity. This can make it easier to see others or situations more clearly or realistically and relate to them with greater flexibility and integrity.
(c) Dr. Joachim Sehrbrock, R.Psych.
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